FOUR EMOTIONS
Emotions occur in our emotional body.
Emotions come from one of four sources: from your past, from external authority figures, from your Gremlin, from vampire entities.
Imagine trying to be in relationship, trying to solve problems, trying to be in a group, trying to hold a post in an organization, trying to be a parent or teacher or healer and not being able to navigate the shadow world of your emotions.
It would be nearly impossible.
This could explain a lot about the quality of your life so far...
It could also explain a lot about the state of the world right now...
Feelings are not emotions.
Feelings are feelings. Emotions are emotions. The distinction between feelings and emotions is crucial. When the two are confused your relationships is run over by a swarm of righteous emotional uninitiated adolescent reactions.Allowing feelings in your life and in your relationships can be a scary decision. A fear I could imagine is creating a mayhem where you and other people have permission to scream, blame, feel betrayed, point fingers at, feel jealous, gossip, criticize, or get angry for any reason. How different would that be from everyday life? This is not the point. This is when the distinction between feelings and emotions becomes indispensable.
Feelings emerge in and of the present moment, from the adult ego state, and vanishes when applied. A person in the adult ego state stands in the present and is conscious of, meaning takes responsibility for, the purpose of their feelings.
Emotions find their source in one of the four other ego states: the child ego state, the parent ego state, the Gremlin ego state, the Vampire Entity ego state, using the evolved Map of Ego States originally created by Dr. Eric Berne.
Emotions do not emerge from the present situation and therefore have nothing to do with happening in reality. When in a ‘state’ you are completly identified with the ideas, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors of one of the state. The term ‘state’ implies that the experience is temporary and it is.
You jump unconsciously from one ‘state’ to another: child, parent, Gremlin, Vampire or adult. When in one ego state, you are totally identified with that state and no other options are possible. Emotions take you away from the present reality.
Although both feelings and emotions at first feel the same and fall into one of the four categories of anger, sadness, joy or fear, it is very easy to experientially distinguish emotions from feelings. Here is how: Feelings are triggered, they arise, the energy and information get used, and then, within a minute or so, they are completely gone from your body. Emotions on the other hand, are triggered, they arise, and then no matter how you seem to express them, they persist in your experience.
Did you ever feel scared and then an hour later you were still scared? That is emotional fear. Did you ever feel angry and then a day later you were still angry? That is emotional anger. Did you ever feel sad and then a week later you were still sad? That is emotional sadness. If you feel a feeling and five minutes later you are still feeling that feeling, it is not a feeling at all. It is an emotion.Emotions from the past are triggered through present association. That is, some detail in the present situation resonates with an uncompleted feeling that is stuck in your tissues from the recent or distant past. The resonance between the unprocessed emotion and the present situation awakens the unexpressed emotion as if it were a present experience.
In actuality, this is the healing opportunity that you have been waiting for. The emotion is a signal announcing to your consciousness that there is an unexpressed feeling locked in your muscles that, in this moment, has a chance to be healed. The healing occurs through recognizing and understanding the emotion from the Adult perspective. The redeeming value of emotional pain is when the pain becomes conscious.
Detecting from which ego states the emotions it is sourced from is useful as each of the four kinds of emotions calls for different healing processes.
Emotions From Your Past (Child Ego State)
Until you heal your childhood emotions, your offers for collaboration are playing out our childhood emotional memories over and over again. Until healed, our childhood emotions have control over our capacity and willingness to take responsibility for creating what we are longing for.
Emotions From Your Gremlin (Gremlin Ego State)
Your Gremlin generates emotions almost instantly by creating a Low Drama either within yourself or with other Gremlins in a Gremlin feeding frenzy. Healing Gremlin emotions comes by first, realizing the possibility of something completely different from Gremlin emotion is possible at each instant and second, feeling enough pain about creating Low Drama in your life than you are willing to do something different.
Emotions From External Authority Figures (Parent Ego State)
As children, in means to survive, we learn to take ov the inauthentic emotions of our parents or other authority figures’ belief systems, conveniently broadcasted by teachers, TV, pop songs, newspapers, advertisements, religions, government, politics, corporations, etc…
Aftee eighteen years old, we drag those inauthentic emotions from other people. The emotions show up as voices in our heads: praising voices and critizicing voices. There is no difference between those two kinds of voices, they are both manipulation for you to do or not do something to match other people’s expectations.
The praising voices tell you: ‘You are so cool, man’ ‘You are more beautiful than them’, ‘You don’t deserve to be with those misfits, you are better than them’, ‘You got it and nobody else did, well done’, ‘You deserve a break, you’ve work hard’, ‘You are a good girl’, ‘You were here first, you have the right to keep it’.
The criticizing voices tell you: ‘You are not as good as them’ (this comes mostly from grading in school), ‘Don’t reach too high, not everything is possible’, ‘You don’t deserve her’, ‘You are not as pretty as them’, ‘You are not working, you are a burden’, ‘You didn’t perform well enough, you don’t deserve attention’. If you find yourself following those voices, you are not being your authentic self, you are giving your power to old authority figures.
Carrying inauthentic emotions is expensive. Your decision are shapes to match your parents and teachers expectations and not to empower what you are taking a stand for.
Emotions From Vampire Entities (Demon Ego State)
Decontamination of the Adult Ego State
Contaminating your Adult Ego State with one of your other ego state is a very effective survival strategy, and much more common than we ever thought. The result is that anytime you try to be vulnerable, authentic, creative the contaminated ego state takes over your Adult Ego State to protect you.
Being vulnerable, authentic, creative was probably dangerous during your childhood, and you made a decision to never let this part been seen by contaminating them with Child Ego State reactions, Gremlin Ego State reactions or Demon Ego State reactions.
As a potential adult, this survival strategy is expensive. It costs you authentic relationships, the possibility of creating what you are here to create and the ability to be with other or yourself.The decontamination of your Adult Ego State is not the subject of this website. Go to the Decontamination website for more information.
MIXED EMOTIONS
What about the rest of human experiences?
You might be thinking that anger, sadness, fear and joy do not encompass the large palette of emotions that human beings can experience. And you would be right.
Anger, sadness, fear and joy can be considered as the four primary emotional experiences. Similarly to the primary colours from which any colour can be derived, any emotional experience can be felt from mixing 2 or more of the primary emotions. We call these mixed emotions.
From our own personal research (i.e. inner research), we discovered that:- depression is a mix of anger and sadness
- resignation is a mix of anger and sadness (with more sadness than in depression)
- despair is a mix of fear and sadness
- isolation is mix of fear and sadness (with more fear than in despair)
- melancholy is a mix of joy and sadness
- hysteria is a mix of anger and fear
- schadenfreude is a mix of anger and joy
- curiostiy is mix of joy and fear
- recklessness is mix joy and fear
- jealousy is a mix of anger, fear and sadness (3 emotions)
- greed is a mix of anger, fear and joy (3 emotions in different proportions)
- shame is a mix of anger, fear and sadness
- guilt is a mix of anger, fear and sadness (the anger in guilt is often about the existance of a standard to comply with)
- emotional collapse is a mix of anger, sadness, fear and joy (all 4 emotions mixed at the same time in almost equal quantity)
You can check this out for yourself. Do the following experiments.
1. Right now, mix some anger and sadness, what experience do you get? Or if you mix anger and joy, what experience do you get? Or if you mix fear and joy, what experience do you get? And so on...2. Or the other way around, experience guilt, and inner navigate: which emotions are mixed in guilt? is there anger? sadness? fear? joy? You can even take the next step and ask yourself: "what are the anger, sadness, fear in my guilt about?"
Mixed emotions is a discipline in research state. There is much to be discovered. Please let us know if you figure something new out.
Healing Mixed Emotions
Mixed emotions are so intense and all-consuming that you probably believe they are real feelings.
But they are not. Mixed emotions are just emotions, a gateway for a healing process for you.
For right now, think about this: did you ever feel jealous? How intense it was? It was probably so intense you could not taste your orange juice. Did you ever feel like getting revenge? Did you ever feel guilt? Did you ever feel shame? Did you ever feel despair? Did you ever feel hysterical? Did you ever feel depressed?
We concoct these mixed emotions as survival strategies instead of powerfully unmixing the emotions and using each one separately to powerfully handle things in your life.
Until now very few people in the world know about the difference between feelings and emotions, and even fewer are able to use their emotions as gateways for healing processes.
EMOTIONAL HELL
or?
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Emotions are a powerful invitation to experience a transformational healing process.
We want to talk about emotions not because we think there is a problem, or we think we can make emotions go away simply by understanding them. We want to talk about emotions for a very practical reason: talking about emotions can bring you clarity about emotions, and this can change your life for the better. If you have clarity about emotions you can have a choice about going into the emotional states or not. You can also gain the power to distinguish between feelings and emotions and get your energy back from emotions. Emotions are a powerful invitation to experience a transformational healing process.
The reason I chose to show a piece of Boticelli's painting of Dante's Inferno as the cover picture is because it is a thoughtmap. It is a thoughtmap of how Boticelli imagined Dante's version of hell. A map of hell could be quite useful if you were ever in hell and you wanted to find an exit and get out.
Experiencing emotions and not knowing they are emotions (thinking they are feelings...) is a lot like being in hell. Knowing the thoughtmap of 4 feelings and the thoughtmaps of 4 emotions is an amazingly powerful aid to getting out of emotional hell. Feeling emotions is part of surviving. There is a huge difference between surviving, and living...
Almost nobody...
Almost nobody knows the distinctions between feelings and emotions.
Feelings are for handling things.
Emotions are for healing things.
Dr. Gabor Mate probably meant that be stuffing the feelings are anger felt in the moment,
the feeling of anger gets stored in your physical body as emotional anger,
that emotional anger has consistently been shown to be linked to cancer.
A professional branch of Possibility Managers has specialized in healing physical body ailments
through emotional and energetic processes. They are the Feelings Practitioners.
To be clear, the emotion of anger (or sadness, fear, joy) is not the problem,
emotions are not a design error from the Universe
The problem is that we have been taught over and over again that it is not okay to feel angry
The problem is our numbness to the very things that make us alive.
Emotional Healing Experiments
The reedeming value of emotional pain
Make a Gap
To avoid letting emotions run their automatic and often obnoxiously disruptive course in your relationships, you need only open the smallest gap between the picture or thought that triggers the emotion and the Box’s automatic reactionary machinery. You have about one instant of time to open this gap.
Opening the gap will stall out the mechanical process. Like with an orgasm, once the Box’s machinery starts chugging away there is no stopping it until it runs its full course – you must ride it out, and precious time and energy are lost in the meantime. But, if you blast a little gap between the origin of the emotion and the Box’s reaction mechanism, then the machine never starts going.
Sense the trigger being stimulated; throw in the gap; hold the gap in place; wait a few seconds, and in those few seconds the triggering momentum will die out. Let the train come into the station but do not get on the train. Wait. Wait. Make no sudden moves. Soon the train will proceed on its way, not taking you with it. Then you can stay in the blissful present.
Name The Emotion
Out loud, distinguish the experience by giving it a name: “This trigger is only an emotion.” Hold that thought.
Tag the incident for later work if you want, but do the work at some other time . . . and away from the person or the circumstance with whom you are presently involved. The emotion has nothing at all to do with the person standing in front of you. They simply provide the triggering-association stimulus. Be grateful for the learning opportunity they have provided. Then drastically change the subject of your conversation.
Practice Inner Navigation
Go Through Emotional Healing Process
Use Your Voice Blaster
How to get rid of the voices? You weren’t probably told that you were born with a voice blaster on your energetic toolbelt that lives on your waist.
You only have to remember this: the only conversation to have with voices is to shoot them: ‘Bang!’. Voices are vampires sucking your energy away for you not to stand in your power. Nobody can shoot them for you, most importantly, nobody can stop you from shooting them. From personal experience, shooting voices opens the possibility of a very different life.
Become a Trigger-Hunter
Complete Incomplete Emotions
Unmix Your Emotions
Initiate Yourself
Be Grateful
An emotional reaction reveals a wound that still needs healing. Growing up involves learning that you do indeed have unhealed wounds, and also realizing, “So what?” You can never heal all the old wounds anyway. Say thanks to the triggering experience, thanks to any other people involved, thanks to your own discipline to not get on the emotional-machinery train, thanks to the gap, then go on creating for yourself and other people experiments in Extraordinary Human Relationship overflowing with Extraordinary Human Love.
Experiments!
The 4 Emotions distinction is not something that you can simply understand and then think that something would be different because of your understanding.
The emotions don't get healed by thinking about them. No matter how much you try to make sense of it.
The only way forward is through.
Through experiments.
We've got you covered!
Distinguish between feelings and emotions
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Practical application of the new technology begins when you make and continuously hold this distinction:
- Feelings arise in and of the present moment, come out of your authentic self, and vanish completely when applied.
- Emotions feel like feelings but they last longer than 3 minutes in the present moment.
That's all. Practice inquiring about each sensation of anger, sadness, fear and joy whether it is a feeling or an emotion.Hint: it is almost only emotions, and the first step in to 'realize' this in yourself.
It is (almost) all emotions (for now).
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You will need your Beep! Book in hand. (Side note: It is useful when experimenting to have your Beep! Book on you at all time.)
When anger, sadness, fear or joy comes up, first notice it, then ask yourself the following questions in this order:
1. What am I feeling? Is it anger, sadness, fear or joy? (Write down in your Beep Book which the feeling you are feeling)
- If it is only one of them (rarely the case), go to 3.
- If it two or more of them, go to 2.
2. Which feelings am I feeling? (Write all of them down) Are they pure or in mixed form?
- If they are in their pure form, go to 3.
- If they are mixed, you first have to unmix them (go to the Unmix Emotions Bubble for the process of unmixing your emotions), then go to 3.
3. What are you angry, sad, scared or happy about? Answer the question for each feeling separately. In your Beep! Book, write for example:
"I feel angry about Mark because he was looking at his phone before saying hello to me this morning"
"I feel sad about Mark because he doesn't want to connect with me anymore"
"I feel scared about our relationship because he might not love me anymore"
"I feel glad about Mark because he smiled at me afterwards and that means he cares about me"
You might be angry, sad, scared or happy about multiple things at the same. Write them down too.
When you have a clear list with the {feeling + about + because}, then go to 4.
4. Pick one feeling about one thing (e.g.: anger about Mark because of the phone), then ask yourself the question: "Have I ever been angry before at someone because they would avoid acknowledging my presence while distracting themselves with something else?" The answer is probably Yes.
Pick another one: (sad about Mark because he doesn't want to connect). "Have I ever been sad before about someone who I feel doesn't want to connect with me anymore?" The answer is probably Yes.
If you have a feeling towards somebody and you've felt that feeling before then this is a BIG HINT that it is NOT a FEELING but an EMOTION.
5. At the end of your notebook, make a list of the emotions as gateways for healing processes that you need to go through and bring them either to your regular Possibility Team or to your next Possibility Lab. Some healing process can be handled in Possibility Team, others are better done in a Lab. Please check in with your Team about how far they can hold space for & with you.
Make Do-Over
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After practicing having the experiential distinction between feelings and emotions, you will come to have the associated experience that your emotions have actually nothing to do with the present moment (see above Projections).
Instead of being in the present moment, you are projecting a past experience through your emotions on the present moment the same way the movie projector projects a film on a previously white screen. This is the experience of projection.
The first time you notice this experience, it is quite shocking to say the least. You are talking to your neighbor, to the teacher of one of your kid, to your partner even, ... and you are feeling anger/sadness/fear/joy and it lasts for more than 3 minutes. Whatever you are feeling right now actually has nothing to do with them, they simply triggered an old emotion in your body. It can really feel like you are going crazy, or you might feel ashamed or guilty about the whole situation. You are talking to the wrong person.
In the beginning, you will most probably realize this days after the interaction. Keep practicing your awareness of the distinction between feelings and emotions. At some point, you will catch yourself in the middle of an argument, pointing fingers, sobbing for attention and it will click: what I am feeling has nothing to do with this! At this moment, pause. Really pause. Let it sink into your 5 bodies that right now, you are emotionally reacting and projecting your reaction onto the present moment.
Then turn to the person(s) who you have been interacting with and simply say: 'I'm sorry. I am having an emotion and it has nothing to do with you. I apologize that I used you for my own emotional wounds. I write it down in my Beep! Book and will through this emotional process. For now, can I have a do-over?'
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Do Every Emotional Process For One Week (or One Month)
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This experiment is to do when you have been to at least one Expand The Box Training, and a couple of Possibility Labs.
The experiment is that for one entire week, you commit to do every emotional process that come up.
Logistics for the experiment:
1. Location: For the entire duration of the week, be in a place where you have a safe room to go through an emotional process. This might mean that you need to take a week off work.
2.1 Spaceholders and location: you will need one or more spaceholders to hold space for you while you go through those processes. You have multiple choices:
- You move in with your spaceholder for a week. Some Possibility Coaches have made their practice to welcome people into their home.
- You invite your spaceholder to move in with you in your apartment. Again some Possibility Coaches have made their practice to move in with people.
- You can also do those processes online through Zoom (for example) while you stay in your home and your spaceholder is at theirs.
2.2 Spaceholder(s): you can decide to have one spaceholder or more. For example, you decide for the online coaching, then you can make an agreement with 2 or more Possibility Coaches that you put them on speed dial on your phone and that you will call one of them every time an emotion is coming.
3. Money: a Possibility Coaching usually costs between 150-250E/ session or 80E/hour.
- One option is to pay your spaceholder per session. However, I would not recommend this option because your money scarcity might come in the way and you will hold back some emotional processes here and there to save money.
- Another option is for example to pay them between 800-1000E/week for as many process as you can hold. You put the cards in your favor that you want your money's worth out of that week.
Refuse To Be An Emotional Garbage Can For Other's Emotions
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For the next week, detect and speak out loud, identify when anytime someone is the space is experiencing an emotion and not a feeling.
Excuse me, have you felt like this before? Yes. This is an emotion and not a feeling. This is the distinction.
Give your card for emotional healing processes.
Spread the distinction around!4EMOTION.08
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